As you have taught me.
It doesn’t feel real to me. It just doesn’t. Even as I sit here on a plane heading to say my goodbye it just doesn’t feel real to me. You’ve been there for me and have been more of a big sister than I could have ever hoped anyone could be. This feeling I have at the moment can only be described as fear… I fear it’s coming to an end. I hope and pray that it doesn’t. “We’ll stay in touch.” All too often those words have been stated only to fade away with each passing day. But to be honest, I haven’t processed it completely. It’s not denial because I know it’s all too real. I just haven’t allowed myself to fully process the thought of a life without you. You’ve taught me to be strong and to march on and that’s what I will do. There are others that need me to be there for them at this time. In your absence, the burden of being the rock has temporarily fallen onto my shoulders. I listen and provide assurances as you have taught me to do. I’ve never discussed you the person, but you the entity. I can separate the two as you have taught me to do. I can talk about the business rationale behind your decisions and know the reasons behind them. I have peered behind the curtain and have seen the business for what it has really become. I persevere because that’s what you have taught me to do.
As I sit alone in my row under the dimly lit yellow lamp above me, it reminds me of a world that we have created that will now be darkened by the absence of your light. The three musketeers have officially become two. The demise was far too early and came without much warning. Although there is much life ahead I have enough wisdom to know that there can be no replacing the bond the three of us shared. The situation was ideal for the three of us and I have to believe that it was definitely part of a master plan by the almighty himself. We had our share of heartaches along the way and we were there for one another during the darkest of times but what I’ll really remember is all the great times. The laughter… oh the laughter… How could I not think of the laughter without being reminded of the snort? While we gasped for air from our laughter you snorted for it with reckless abandon. Which only made us laugh all the harder. While you might be absent from our daily lives, your spirit will remain. And we will march on together as you have taught us to do. Brothers without our big sister.
I dread tomorrow… the ability to talk about the entity that is you is quickly coming to an end as tomorrow will all be about you the person. The window of time where I can put off my personal feelings on the matter is shutting quickly. I don’t even know what to say tomorrow. How can you thank someone for so much in your life? There aren’t enough words at my disposal to adequately describe the gratitude that I have for you. I am unprepared.
